Sundays are always quiet at the house. Usually I wake up late and eat either breakfast or lunch, depending on when I get up. This morning I woke up a little after 10 am. Breakfast consisted of a fried egg sandwich and some V8 juice stuff. Not the straight tomato juice, as I cannot stand the stuff, but the fusion stuff with blended berries in it. The rest of the morning was spent listening to music and watching some tv. I downloaded a few photos from the last few days in my spare time. I had a few from the drive home. Taking pictures from a moving vehicle at night has peaked my interest for a long time. There were a few of the moon as well. I need to determine how to get a slightly clearer picture because the pictures are good, but not great. The clarity is not good enough. It will be better.
It is slightly before 1 pm now. I should get back in the kitchen to fix a sandwich or light snack. I needed to write some first though. It's been a few years now that I have been writing, both overall and here on writing.com. There are some older poems, or prose, that I look at and wonder what i was going through or thinking at the time I wrote them.
Sorry I had to turn the tv off of a movie, and onto one of the cable channels myriad of music channels. I lose some concentration when a movie is on, it draws my attention away. It was a good movie, in my opinion, The Wedding Singer. Is it wrong to like Adam Sandler movies? Billy Madison was on earlier today. Maybe it is an Adam Sandler movie weekend.
Back to writing now. The Verve - Love is Noise is playing on the tv. It leads me back to my earlier writings. Some of them stick in my head to never leave, while others seem just noise that escaped me. Truth is I started writing on here for a friend that I love dearly. Some of those loving feelings were true and deep, while others were just writings. Not all of the poems/prose were about love, but the majority of them were. It was a difficult relationship, at times it was painful, but most of the difficulty arose from my own insecurities. Maybe love just naturally tests those deep seated insecurities that we all have.
I say all this now, because I have been wondering about my feelings that I expressed through those writings. The relationship never really ended, but it has dimmed quite low on the candle wick. There have been friends who have read what I write, and really like them saying I have some gift inside of me. That leads me back to why I wrote those feelings down. If I am gifted, which I have serious doubts about, then why am I still here alone? My friend was my first real fan of what I wrote, of my feelings. Why am here, and she is there far away? My insecurities rise up and try to block what is in my heart, playing on the weaknesses that reside within my soul. I feel lost and alone sometimes.
A friend of mine told me once how much I really meant to them. It was quite touching and dear, one of those moments you never forget. My friends are as good as my family at pulling me away from the quiet murmurs that my soul puts on my heart. But I do miss one of my best friends, my first fan, and best muse. She knows what she will always mean to me, and I know what I mean to her.
I need to write
to get this away
I need to think
to get this straight
I need you today
to set my heart right
I need you tonight
to set my candle alit.
Everything we are
and all we do
is but a prelude
to what our souls house
waiting for the opening
standing by your side
for this world is ours
and life is the beginning.
A new song is playing Gavin Rossdale - Love Remains the Same.
The world revolves around, walls fall down, and people die, but love remains the same.
Nate
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